July 30th

 Every year for the past seven years.....when I flip my calendar to July.......I know that the end of the month will come very soon.....July 3oth will eventually come and once again I will be reminded of that sad day when the best friend I have ever had went to live with Jesus.

I wonder sometimes if it gets any easier with each passing year? Will I be sad? Will I think back to how it all happened? Will I think about what it was like for her? Will I wish for what could have been? Would she be paralyzed had she survived?

Then July 30th comes and I do still wonder all those things....I still pray for her sweet kids and hubby around the time that the accident occurred each year and every August 2nd I think back to sitting at her funeral, feeling hurt, sad, and trying to not be mad at God for not just taking her away from me, but for when He took her away. So close to my wedding......I still remember wondering if I could even get married in front of people without her up there with me, and without her singing, and not crying through the entire ceremony. I wanted her to be there so badly. I was in her wedding and she had to wait a long time to be in mine! I really felt cheated........

 I still remember and pray and have my questions, Like Why? and Why did her young kids have to witness such an awful thing?...........but I am so thankful for ALL that God had done in my life through and since losing her.

Since He took her............I have learned how to really worship God, not just go to church and sing the songs of the morning routinely, but to sing them in worship and that is only because in the days following the accident....I couldn't pray to God even when I tried to call out to him because I started questioning him and getting angry with him. So I would just put in some worship and praise music and sing to him. It was amazing how through music and singing out to God, I could tell him that I loved him even though I couldn't when I prayed. Worship has never been the same since for me!

I have also learned to appreciate every day I have left on this earth.......I had already adopted the whole "Live Life To The Fullest" and had it on my license plate after my mentor died of cancer two years earlier......but I was single then.......living life to the fullest is SO different when you are single because I only had myself to think about even though I tried to always think of others but once married and then with kids....as much joy as both my hubby and kids have brought me.........there are those days that I just don't feel like cleaning up another mess, or hearing that my hubby has a conference call and isn't coming home on time to give me a break.....It is much harder to LIVE LIFE TO THE FULLEST THEN........but it is something that I am constantly reminded to do since seven years ago......

I have also learned that since I was reminded that time is so short and we never know if we have tomorrow left....... It was time for me to not be that christian woman that goes to church on Sunday and listens and maybe even takes notes, prays sometimes for others, but mainly for MYSELF and MY NEEDS, and opens my bible whenever it is convenient or I am motivated to do like on January 1st when it is resolution time and I want to go on the read the bible in a year program......but to really commit to spending time with God every single day no matter what is going on that day, so I can hear from God, and not just have him listen to me.

I have also learned to forgive. If the gal who thought it was OK to get behind the wheel that night driving on a suspended license.....had just called a cab......Doree would be here. And yet, being angry and bitter at her doesn't bother or hurt her, only me, so I have learned to forgive her and actually pray for her too, especially this time of year. She must live with incredible guilt and I still want her to have a good life, come to have a relationship with Jesus, and find grace and forgiveness! I didn't always feel this way at first, I wanted revenge and justice, but God brought me to feeling this way through prayer and changed my heart.

Another thing the events of seven years ago has taught me is to pray, really pray for other people and not just my own selfish needs, but to put others FIRST in prayer and to NEVER tell someone I will pray for them and not do it.

 I learned that after I sent a quick email requesting prayer from my friends the night I found out Doree was killed and someone responded saying they would pray, yet I knew they weren't into praying. I am sure they thought they could comfort me by telling me they would pray for me.....That is when I started thinking of all the times I had told someone that I would pray and as sincere as my words were, I just never got around to praying for them because I forgot and didn't take my promise to pray seriously.

After July 30th of 2004, I made a pledge to never tell someone I would pray for them and not do it and thankfully, with my little accountability tips I have developed for myself to use, I have been able to keep that pledge and expand my prayer life to one of the most important things I do each day.

 God in return has blessed me with an amazing intimacy in our relationship that I never want to lose, as well as the privilege of being the recipient of many answered prayers and seeing the answered prayers in the lives of my family, friends, acquaintances, even people I haven't met personally but have been told/ask to pray for them........This has blessed me because sometimes, they don't even have a clue that I am praying for them.

I have learned how powerful prayer really can be and it is nothing WE DO that makes it powerful, it is all God and that in itself just makes me want to pray more because it has just bonded our relationship as well as my relationships with others I pray for.

God has given me a sensitivity to the Holy Spirit that I had before......it just wasn't as strong as it is now. I guess maybe I didn't realize sometimes that it was the Holy Spirit leading me to do something good or putting someone on my mind to pray for them, I didn't give him the credit that I do now because I wasn't as close to Him!

Another thing I have learned is that a
 girlfriend is easy to find, a good girlfriend can still be found but in fewer numbers......a great girlfriend is rarer to find yet, still possible.........But an amazing true best friend that accepts you just the way you are, allows you to be yourself and shows you grace when some is needed, wants the best for you, wants to make you look good even if it means she looks bad.
Someone who laughs with you and not at you, someone who doesn't talk about you behind your back at all, someone who learns with you and from you, cries with you, doesn't compete with you, acknowledges that you might have some strengths that she doesn't and instead of getting jealous of those strengths she simply admires them and learns from you and you do the same with her.

She confides in you and keeps your secrets safe, someone completely trust worthy and able to contain your most intimate thoughts and share them with no one. The friend that says "let's get together soon" and then actually calls you to plan something.

Someone who refuses to judge you, doesn't care if you aren't the perfect size 2 even though she may be....you can even confess to sneaking some chocolate and she doesn't judge you for it. Someone who truly is happy for you and the good things that happen in your life, she is happy for you even if it means you have something she doesn't have and wants.

 She is someone who listens when you are going through those difficult times and allows you to completely be transparent and authentic and express your feelings knowing that you are angry or hurt and don't really mean half of the things you are saying at that moment........And most importantly, someone who prays for you and with you, is a true rarity.....and while I have a wonderful male best friend......(three guesses and the first two don't count who that might be?).......(hint- we have almost been married for seven years,  and I think year 7 is the anniversary you get a diamond necklace according to my recollection from owning one of those pocket Hallmark Calendars years ago.....I may be wrong about that one since my mind is fuzzy...I guess we will just have to wait and see in November.....)

I have never been able to replace the loss of Doree by finding a true blue, amazing best friend just yet. (Applications are still being accepted and I always welcomed new friends into my life........but I do wonder if there will ever be another Doree in my life again? I must admit I do not think it is likely.

I truly have longed for one especially after becoming a mom! I think that is when I started missing Doree the most because I wanted so desperately to call her when I am having a bad moment, on a good day just because no matter what SHE WOULD MAKE ME LAUGH but of course, always gave me the credit for being the funny one and making her laugh. It was really her, she was just being humble!

I think the kinda best friend she was is a once in a life time friend......or at least extremely rare, but her example has made me strive to be a better friend to others.

The good thing though.......I may not have been able to replace my earthly best girlfriend but I have found a new best friend in my personal relationship with Jesus and I really do not think that would have happened had I not experienced the loss of Doree and experienced it when I did.

God didn't cause the accident but He didn't stop it, and He has allowed me to learn soooo much from it and molded me into a woman that loves to pray and wants to be totally committed to following His plan for my life. And I do not think that intimate relationship with Him would have happened if I hadn't loss her because I had a best friend so I didn't have a NEED to lean on Jesus or a need for Him to become my new best friend! I still miss Doree, but I know that I will see her again one day in heaven and am so thankful for the best friend I had in her and will always cherish those memories!

Sweet Language!

I love to write down the funny things my girls say for their scrapbooks. I really love how and when children develop their language skills. It is fun to watch and listen to.

Today, 7/25/11- will go down in history for me. Every night as part of our bedtime routine, I say, "I love you!" using both words and sign language to Amelia. For a long time she just looked at me, then smiled at me for a while like she knew what I was talking about.....then she started trying to say it but it would sound like, "I bo you." Next, came the trying to do the sign language but she would always point to herself when she said, "you" BUT TONIGHT, which just happens to be her 23 month birthday......yes, we sing Happy Birthday on the month milestones.......and yes, it probably confuses our children because they wonder where the cake and presents are........but back to the story.

TONIGHT, my precious one said, "I love you" using her words very clearly and signing it correctly all on her own!  AWE! I think this will make my week for sure! (Although, after all the cleaning I got done today, my week had already been made!) I am loving that Amelia likes her loooonnnnggg Naps and Amanda has been doing very well with having some quiet time too! You go girls, I love you both dearly and am so thrilled to be your mom! I am even more thrilled that Amanda keeps telling me, "Being a mom is what you do best!" Awe....what am I going to do when she goes to school every day this year.....I think school needs to be three days a week from kindergarten to 5th grade!

Only one more month left..........

Only one more month left for someone to be 1. Yes, our last month of having to remember just how many months old our daughter is when we are asked. Now, we can just say 2!

I have never completely understood why we have to share how many months old our children are up until the time they are 2, but it is must for some reason because when I ask someone how old their child is I too want to know how many months old too. Are they closer to one or closer to two? It does crack me up though and stresses me a little to remember because honestly, time goes so fast and since my one daughter was born on the 25th and one on the 26th of another month and I never can keep that straight on registration forms for classes, etc.....adding how many months is even harder for me so I am looking forward to just saying, "2" and hoping I don't have to put a "terrible" in front of it! We didn't have to for my oldest at 2, we were able to wait until 3 for that one, but thank God she has grown out of that stage!

Sweet Amelia,
We continue to be amazed by you and the love in my heart for you seems to grow minute by minute! We are so blessed that God sought to give you to us and will always see you as our little blessing sent directly from Him!
We are stunned at times at your vocabulary and all the words you not only know, but actually understand what they mean because you use them correctly in sentences. I am constantly left in awe of the new skills you learn or the way you show me you know something that I just know we haven't taught you! Like the other day when you went around touching all of our heads and saying, "duck, duck, duck" I don't think we ever taught you that yet......still wondering where you learned it....but amazed by you.

 You love your Sesame Street friends even though I think Mickey and his friends are still number one in your eyes.

 I love how your whole face lights up when you smile!

 I love how you like rides that spin around and tried to make me dizzy on the tea cups!

 I love how we can read a stack of books together without you losing interests. I love how you want to reread books, "One more time!" We hear that alot from you right now!

I love  how you love to pray, and you love to go and see plays, and shows with music in them!

I could go for you coloring on your face a little less........but it better than the walls.

 I love how you like your milk and can use a straw!

I love how you love your sweet older sis!

 I love that you are my little choco-holic! Shh...now that you are talking so well we are going to have to keep our sneaking chocolate breaks a secret...I love how you love babies and are so sweet to them!

 I love how you are so easily amused and what a great sense of humor you have already!

 I love how you are content to just sit and take a little break sometimes. I like that you are so observant! You must get that from your older sis!

 I love your beautiful blue eyes!  I love that mischievous side you are showing......it does scare me a little but at the same time it can be so fun!

 I love that you love to run and play outside!

 I loved it when I caught you and your cousin kissing during prayer at the dinner party for mammaw! I know I should have kept my eyes closed but when you kept yelling, "Amen" I needed to see what you were doing......

 You are simply lovable..............you have always been a hugger, and one to cuddle with people you love! I love that!

I love how you listen to your "teacher Manda" so well and how you follow her around. I love how well you play together and well, even you little squabbles are cute!

 We know that you do not like the "boom boom's" so we will avoid those..thanks for letting us know though!

 I love that you can wear some of your older sissy's clothes and the memories they bring back......

 Ofcourse, I love you in some new clothes that are just yours too! ( A girl can't wear ALL hand-me-downs) I love that you love your hats!

 I love that you love wagon rides......sledding rides in the snow......and even stroller rides sometimes!

 I love your smile..........I love that you like ducks! I love that you like to color your placemat when eating out.

I love when you look up at me to pick you up! I love holding you and carrying you around. I know it won't be much longer for moments like this because you are growing soooo fast so I have to just treasure these special moments as long as I can!

 I love that you like matching your older sis! You too are sooooo cute! My sweet panda's!

I love watching you play on the playground, your climbing skills simply amaze me for such a petite little one!

 I love how you love slides!

 I love watching the two of you play! I do wonder if you realize you don't have a baby in your stroller?

 I love your face when eating ice cream!

I love how you sing songs and are starting to get the lyrics correct. You sing, "Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you." I love hearing you sing Jesus Loves Me! "Jesus love me, this know, Jesus love me, bible tell so!" I love how you loved attending your big Sissy's chapel so much that you tell me, "good bye," and when asked where you are going you say, "chapel!" You love to sing "New Life, New Life!" I never get sick of any of the songs you sing and love to hear you sing, "That's Elmo's Word!" Even if you sing it over and over when you are tired so much so that you drive your sister a little crazy with it, don't worry mommy thinks it is cute!

I especially love how you have started to show that you have so much compassion and kindness in your heart! I love how when you are given a Hershey kiss you say to me, "Manda" and then you run and take it to your big sister and then come back to get another one for yourself!  I love how when you hear Manda cry or she gets hurt you run to hug her and comfort her. When you hear a baby cry at the store, you grow concerned and say, "baby crying!" I love to see these signs of a Healthy Heart in you and pray that they continue to grow and flourish in you so you will grow up to be a compassionate, kind, and loving, wife, mother, daughter, friend, and President of the United States.

We love you and wish you a happy 23 month birthday to you! I just love you my precious baby girl!
Love, Mommy!

Happy Birthday Pappaw!

Happy Birthday Pappaw we are thrilled to have another year to celebrate with you, love you, learn from your wisdom, and of course give you hugs!

You make us laugh!

Thanks for loving ALL of your grandchildren including the three missing from this photo! (One day we will get a recent pic of ALL the grand kids together!) Thank you being there when we need you the most!

Thanks for loving mammaw all these years and modeling true faithfulness and commitment in so many ways. Thanks for loving God with your whole heart and boldly standing up for him.

Thanks for not stopping at two children and having that beautiful  "middle child" and of course that sweet number four that came along we are thankful for him too!

So blow out the candles on the cake again this year in one breath! Don't think of a birthday as you are getting another year older even though you are......just think of it as another glorious trip around the sun! You aren't getting older, just wiser......the bummer about that one is that young people today will not listen to that wisdom because it is not coming from their peers and just an "old guy" but that is their loss because I very thankful for all the times that I followed your advice. Sometimes, I thought you even had ESP because what you said would actually happen......I am thankful for the times I listened, and the grace for the times, I did not!

And know that you are loved by all your beautiful children, mom, and those fabulous seven!

And your beautiful daughter........just making sure you didn't miss that the first time I wrote it!

Happy Birthday! We love you and look forward to another year of loving you, and following God's plan for the next chapter in our lives with you!

Those Scary Boom Booms!

The past couple of July 4th's we have had other plans and haven't gone to see the fireworks. I love going to see the fireworks and was determined to go this year. I kinda knew it was crazy to take a 22 month old and five year old out past their own bed times........but of course that didn't stop me from trying!

We had great seats where we could sit on the lawn and get out of the traffic congestion quickly and we arrived about thirty minutes early. We had a big cookout for dinner so we weren't hungry but if we ever get a chance to go again......I think a little picnic or snack would be fun!

 Amanda was tired since it was past her bed time and was asking to go before the fireworks even started! Once they started she really wanted to go because they were too loud and were hurting her ears.(She has become very sensitive to loud noises this summer!) Amelia liked seeing them in the sky for about ten minutes and then started saying, "boom booms scare Mia, HOME"

She started screaming to leave and by this time Amanda was crying to leave so we packed up and took off. The one good thing was since we left before the show was over there was zero traffic. The bad thing was I didn't get to see my fireworks but I can't complain because we did have our own private fireworks back in June on the dinner boat for hubby's award ceremony so..even though I did complain at the time.......I will just be grateful for the ones in June!

Amanda pretended to be asleep so her dad would carry her into the house but he didn't fall for it!

Amelia did fall a sleep and slept soundly the rest of the night. But she still talks about the "boom booms in sky scare me."

 " Boom booms all gone!" The other day she spoke her longest sentence and of course it was about the boom booms! "Boom Booms in sky all gone momma boom booms scare Mia!"

I think Amelia enjoyed tackling her sister more than anything! I have to say Amanda was quite tolerate to allow her little sis to keep jumping up on her back like that which I am thankful for. Most of the time they play very well together unless Mia gets into something Amanda doesn't want her to have and starts running away laughing with it. I am convinced she just likes to hear Amanda scream and see her chase after her because she just laughs and laughs. We typically have to intervene because when Amanda catches her the real fire works can begin and we just don't like to see those type of  fire works in our home like that because they scare me!

Gardening Woes!

Amanda just finished up her gardening class a couple of weeks ago and I don't know which one of us is more thrilled that it is over! We love all the classes we take......but this one was after preschool which meant a quick lunch and rushing to get there. That alone brought me stress. Poor Amelia's nap time was interrupted and Amanda just wasn't into getting her hands as dirty as gardeners need to do.

The teacher was awesome though and we loved her, I think it was just too much to do after a preschool day. I usually like the classes because I have always made at least one new mommy friend for fun, play dates, etc. This class was VERY different! The very first week a gal getting ready to have her second child talked my ear off complaining about how her husband never helps her! I am usually a pretty good listener but I couldn't relate to her complaints due to being married to Mr. Wonderful. I tried to help her but she wouldn't stop complaining so the next week I brought paper work to do and sat there looking down and busy writing in hopes she wouldn't talk to me. I couldn't take her husband bashing another minute!
 I could see out of the corner of my eye her looking on occasion to try and get my attention to talk to me but I just kept writing. Later, I felt guilty for being anti-social with the other moms so for the next few classes I tried to be more friendly and social with them but I will admit it was a struggle for me this class which really was funny considering I am usually very social with the other moms.

Amanda's reasons for not loving this class were mainly because we didn't have much success in producing any fruit or veggies. We planted herbs the first week and over watered them so they died......Apparently, hubby was watering them, I was watering them, and Amanda would water them and since we all failed to communicate that simple fact until it was too late...........
We planted carrots and didn't over water them but they died...............

We planted a cantaloupe.........sadly, it died too.

We planted some type of flower and as you can see in the picture....it passed away too!

I had high hopes for the Cherry tomatoes.......they didn't make it either.......

I was very excited when Amanda planted the pumpkin and told her the story of how when I was a little girl........we had a garden and planted pumpkins one year only they over took the entire back yard and we no longer had a yard but a giant pumpkin patch. I think every neighbor got a pumpkin from us that year! So, of course I had visions of this happening in our yard only you guessed it......the pumpkin didn't make it!

Didn't make it either...................One day in class everyone was talking about all the success they had with what they had planted. I felt so bad for Amanda because every time the teacher would mention something they had planted in the past the kids would say how big it was and Amanda's only reply was, "Mine died!"

I became a little self-conscious when this one mom kept looking at me every time Amanda said, "Mine died!"

The mom glared at me like "what kinda mom are you that you can't keep something alive for your child?"

Finally, I told the mom that our yard didn't have the best soil and there really wasn't a place in it to have a successful garden. She then explained to me that she didn't even have a yard since they lived in a condo and everything was just growing fine! This made me feel so guilty so I went out and bought a Topsy Turvy and just knew we could be successful with that but just to make sure I asked my hubby to plant them with Amanda.

He quickly discovered that I had just bought the Topsy Turvy and didn't buy tomato plants to put it in. I didn't know anything about these things and figured there were seeds in the package to plant and didn't realize you had to buy the plants and plant them in the thing! Yikes, it is a real good thing we do not have to depend on my gardening skills for food to eat! We would starve!

The last thing Amanda planted was a green pepper and I am happy to report it is still living! I have been obsessed with keeping it alive I will admit!

Finally, this past Sunday we were able to pick two fruits of Amanda's labor! She has been so faithful to check on her plants and water them and mommy stayed far away from them and now it has paid off

And the Topsy Turvy is doing well. Hubby nailed it to the back of the house so it wouldn't blow anywhere.